Understanding
by Nonnie
Summary: For all of you who watched the pilot and wondered what exactly happened to Timmy's mood between Cross Jurisdictions and the series premiere. My first Fic!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer - I don't own of these characters, including Tim Speedle, but hey, a girl can dream, can't she? Rating - PG Pairings - Tim & OC Summary - for all of you who watched the pilot and wondered what exactly happened to Timmy's mood between Cross Jurisdictions and the series premiere.  
  
This was not turning out to be a good day.  
  
Tim Speedle was seated in the MDPD's conference room. His boss, Horatio Caine, was seated to his left. Across the table sat the head of detective division, James Homer, and the department's newest homicide detective, Jennifer Hagen.  
  
Homer looked intensely between Speed and Jennifer as he said: "So, all we're asking here is if you can work together without any bloodshed."  
  
Tim was staring a hole into the brunette sitting opposite him, but he didn't care. He was trying desperately to read her face; searching for her thoughts on the situation they found themselves in.  
  
He realized he couldn't read her anymore. Damn. He finally answered. "I can work with Jennifer, if she can work with me".  
  
Homer nodded and turned his attention to Jennifer. "Hagen?"  
  
Jennifer sat with her hands folded in front of her, refusing to look at anyone in the room, especially Tim. "Fine." was her only response.  
  
"Then we're all done here." Horatio replied. He knew Tim was suffering, but this meeting was unavoidable. Better to deal with it now, in private, than to find them in a "situation" at a crime scene. "You can both get back to work now."  
  
Tim rose and quickly left the room without looking at anyone. "Speed." Had it been her voice, he would have continued walking.  
  
"Yeah, H?"  
  
"Are you sure you're okay with this? Working with her?" Horatio stood with his hands on his hips, head cocked to the side.  
  
"I am absolutely one-hundred percent sure that I can deal with it, yes." Tim pumped his right hand to illustrate his certainty, knowing that he was absolutely one hundred percent lying to his boss.  
  
"Okay, then." Horatio eyed his protégé suspiciously. "I'll try to keep you out of each other's way."  
  
"I'd appreciate that," Speed said sarcastically.  
  
Tim walked the length of the hallway and turned to go into the trace lab.  
  
"Well, how did it go?" a thick southern drawl greeted him as he opened the lab door.  
  
He glared at Calleigh, donned his lab coat and sat down at his microscope. "How did what go, Cal?"  
  
"Tim." she said sharply, then noticed the pain in his eyes. "The meeting with Jennifer." Calleigh softened her tone as she crossed the room and took the seat next to Tim.  
  
He knew someone would ask. He'd been preparing his answer.  
  
"It went fine." He said, feigning interest in a loose thread on his lab coat.  
  
"Fine?" Calleigh crossed her arms below her chest.  
  
"Her words, not mine." He turned and looked at Calleigh again. "She said fine, I said fine. Everything's fine." He said, with a little too much emphasis on the last word.  
  
"I don't believe you."  
  
He sighed and shook his head. "I don't believe me either."  
  
"She had her reasons, Tim." Calleigh eyed her friend cautiously, determining whether or not to proceed down this very dark path with him.  
  
"I'm sure she did, Cal." He wondered how much longer this conversation would go on.  
  
"Tim." she looked at him sympathetically.  
  
"Cal, I've got a lot of work to do." he cut her off.  
  
They stared at each other for what seemed like hours before Calleigh finally backed down.  
  
"Okay, I'll be in the ballistics lab if you need me." She smiled and put her hand on his shoulder before she stood and departed, leaving him with only his thoughts - the first of which was "Damn her."  
  
Jennifer.  
  
Tim was just as good at avoiding people as he was finding evidence. It had been months since he'd laid eyes on her, now here she was, waltzing back into his life as a homicide detective, meaning they'd be working together. He laughed to himself. "This should go real well." 


	2. Chapter 2

Tim Speedle had met Jennifer Hagen six years ago, soon after he began his internship at the Miami Dade Crime Lab. He'd been in the hallway, talking to his mentor and boss Megan Donner, when Jennifer stepped off the elevator, leading a man struggling in handcuffs down the hall to the interrogation room. He remembered thinking how beautiful she was. Tall, chestnut hair with honey blond highlights pulled back into a bun, eyes so green he could see them all the way down the hall. He'd never thought that the MDPD uniforms were all that flattering, but on her, it looked good. As she passed them, she acknowledged Megan. "Hey, Meg." She said, flashing the older woman a large grin. Megan replied, "Hey, Jen. Your brother's in Room 3."  
  
"Brother?" Tim finally questioned his boss when he felt sure his voice wouldn't come out too high or broken.  
  
"John Hagen, narcotics detective. Jennifer's a rookie and John's little sister." Megan eyed him. "Why do you ask?" She grinned. "See something you like?"  
  
"Yeah, she had a great set of cuffs." Tim rolled his eyes to hide his embarrassment from Megan's question. "I've never seen a pair that nice."  
  
"Yeah, they're almost as great as the girl." Megan's grin grew wider by the minute.  
  
Tim left his boss and walked down the hall. His head was down and he wasn't paying attention. He walked squarely into Jennifer Hagen, knocking the woman to the floor.  
  
"God, are you okay?" He reached down to help her off the floor.  
  
"I've heard of sweeping a girl off her feet, but this is a little much!" Jennifer grinned at him as she took his hand and stood.  
  
"I am so sorry. I wasn't paying attention. Are you sure you're okay?" Tim was trying to keep his cool, but didn't think he was doing a very good job.  
  
"Fine, really. You seemed awfully deep in thought." He was still holding her hand. Neither made a move to let go.  
  
"You're perceptive." He smiled back at her.  
  
She laughed. "Jennifer Hagen, patrol. I'd shake your hand, but I think we're beyond that now."  
  
Speed laughed. "Tim Speedle, crime lab." He released her hand reluctantly and gazed the jade eyes nearly even with his own.  
  
"Crime lab? Very interesting. You work with Megan, then?"  
  
"Yeah, Megan's my boss." Tim was struggling not to get lost in her eyes.  
  
"Megan's been a good friend to me. I've known her for years through my brother. She wrote a letter of recommendation for me to get into the academy."  
  
"Speed!" Megan called from the hallway and Tim whipped around to face her. "I need you in here." Megan said, surveying the scene before her. A smile spread across her face. "Take your time," she said, finally seeing exactly whom Tim was talking to.  
  
"I'm on my way, Meg." He turned to face Jennifer again.  
  
"I guess I better get going," Tim replied, very reluctantly.  
  
"A bunch of us are meeting up at Pino's tonight after shift. Megan's going to be there and my brother John, too. Maybe you'd like to join us?"  
  
"Maybe I will." Tim took a final glance at the incredibly beautiful woman before him. "I'll see you later."  
  
"Later," she said. "I like the sound of that." Jennifer Hagen swept past him back towards the elevators.  
  
She gave him one last smile before the elevator doors closed on her. Tim stepped into the lab where Megan was bent over a microscope.  
  
"Clearly you don't need my help!" Megan deadpanned, trying desperately to control her laughter.  
  
"You heard that?" Tim's crimson shirt was now blending quite nicely into his red face.  
  
"A good investigator sees and hears everything. Honestly, she beat me to the punch. I was going to invite you to Pino's tonight, long before you saw the lovely Ms. Hagen." Megan's smile was really starting to get on his nerves.  
  
He did meet them at Pino's that night. It was very interesting to see a totally different side of his new boss. Her husband Sean was there, along with John Hagen, his partner Ray Caine, the medical examiner Alexx Woods and several patrol officers. Jennifer was even more amazing that he originally thought. Not only was she beautiful, she was funny as hell. She had him laughing all night long, especially her verbal sparring with her big brother. John clearly worshiped his little sister, and let her win most of the arguments.  
  
When it was time to leave, Tim got up last from the table and followed at the back of the crowd. He noticed that Jennifer had done the same.  
  
He turned to face her and said, "I haven't had this much fun in a long time."  
  
"I'm glad. Walk me to my car?" she asked quietly.  
  
"Sure."  
  
He held the door for her as they exited Pino's and walked towards Jennifer's car. "Jen?" he asked, nearly choking on the words.  
  
"Yeah?" She looked so beautiful, bathed in the light from the streetlamps.  
  
"Speedle!" He turned to see John Hagen leaning out of his truck towards them. "Don't make me arrest you for accosting my sister on the first date!" He laughed heartily. "And Short Stuff," he said, pointing towards Jennifer, "BEHAVE yourself!"  
  
She hollered back. "Go home before I haul your ass in for driving under the influence!"  
  
"Hah!" Hagen laughed, shut his door and sped off, leaving them alone once again.  
  
She rolled her eyes and chuckled quietly, turning her attention back to Tim. "You were saying?"  
  
"Yeah, um, I was wondering.I thought maybe.um.I wanted to ask you." God, do I always sound this incredibly stupid, Speed wondered to himself.  
  
"I'd love to."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Whatever you're asking, Tim. I'd love to."  
  
"How about tomorrow night?" He asked hopefully.  
  
"Seven o'clock? You can pick me up at my house." She smiled at him, and leaned into her car. "I'll give you the address." She wrote the address on a pad of paper she had on the passenger seat. "I put my phone number on there also, just in case you get lost, or, you know."  
  
"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow at seven, then." He turned from her to walk to the bike.  
  
"Tim?" He turned around to face her again. Jennifer grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him into her. She pressed her lips to his. Before he knew what had hit him, she broke the kiss, got into her car and left the lot, leaving Speed alone.  
  
Speed carefully folder the paper with Jennifer's address and phone number and stuck it in his pocket. He put on his helmet, and started the bike's engine. Tim Speedle was falling.fast. 


	3. Chapter 3

He would have married Jennifer. If only she'd said yes. In the four and half years they'd spent together, she'd become his entire world. She was his lover, his best friend, his confidant and his favorite drinking buddy. He never got tired of her. She knew his emotional and physical scars. Her love had finally ended the depression that followed his best friend's death several years before. He'd taken her to Syracuse to meet his family and taken her to Ireland when his grandmother died. He knew the meaning behind every look she gave him, every sound she made. He'd found his soul mate. And then it all came crashing down. In the blink of an eye, it was over. All because she wouldn't or, couldn't, say yes.  
  
It'd been a pity proposal, she argued later. He didn't really want to marry her, she said. What the hell did she know?  
  
Jennifer had come home from her shift early one day. Didn't feel well, she'd said. After three days, Speed took her to the doctor. They'd run some tests and drawn blood. Finally the doctor came back in. "Well, Jennifer, Tim, seems like I get to pass some good news on to you. You're pregnant!" the doctor exclaimed. Tim looked at Jennifer. All the blood had rushed out her face, and she had her head between her legs. "Pregnant?" Tim stared at the doctor. "We're going to have a baby?" It had been the beginning of the end.  
  
They'd gone home that afternoon, Jennifer in shock, Tim elated. "How could I be pregnant?" She'd said it like it was some kind of disease. "We've always been so careful." She started crying. Tim sat on the couch next to her and put his arm around her. "No form of birth control is 100% effective. I guess we're that small minority." She just stared at him. "This is going to be great, baby, you'll see." He wasn't just trying to comfort her. He really was excited. She just needed some time to get used to the idea.  
  
He'd gone back to work that afternoon - caught up with his co-workers at the private club where they were meeting the feds. He could hardly contain his excitement when he got to club and was more than a little zealous in introducing himself to the CSIs from Las Vegas, who were in town working on the case. Tim didn't think he'd ever smiled this much in his life.  
  
Eric had asked him about it later that afternoon, while he was suiting up to search the canal for a possible murder weapon. "So, what are you going to do?" Eric asked. "Do?" Tim replied. "What do you mean do?" "Are you going to marry her, dumb ass? She's pregnant.with your child, man." Delko looked at his best friend like he was a complete idiot. Tim's mood changed dramatically. "I haven't made it that far yet." What was he going to do?  
  
They'd talked about marriage, but Jennifer had her heart set on being a detective, and she was almost there. She could take the test in six months, when she was of the right age and the right rank. Jennifer hadn't wanted to risk getting pregnant before she could ever take the test, or right after she made detective, so they decided to wait for a while. And now, here they were. Jennifer was pregnant. Right now. Six months away from the detective exam. No wonder she wasn't excited. A baby was not in her plans.  
  
When Tim got home that night, they didn't discuss the baby or the future. Jennifer made dinner, Tim told her about his day, about Willows and Brown from Vegas. They went to bed. They got up the next day and went to work. It went on this way for weeks.  
  
Tim had secretly gone to Calleigh for help in picking out a ring for Jennifer. He'd buttered her up by reminding her of her great taste. Calleigh was more than willing to help. She and Jennifer had become very good friends since Calleigh came to work in Miami.  
  
They'd gone out that afternoon, looking for the perfect ring. Calleigh rolled her eyes and made gagging sounds when Tim sold the sales lady that the diamond had to be as bright as Jennifer's eyes. "You are so far gone, man!" she'd teased him. He found the ring at the third store. A carat and a half, three stone ring, white gold. Three stones, he thought: Jen, the baby and me. "I'll take it," he'd said. He'd swiped Jennifer's high school ring from her jewelry box so he'd know her size. He picked up the ring two days later. He was ready.  
  
Just as Tim was getting back into his truck, his cell phone rang. He didn't recognize the number.  
  
"Speedle."  
  
"Speed. It's John."  
  
"Hey man! I was going to call you. I've got something I need to talk to you about." He couldn't hide the excitement in his voice. John and Jennifer's father had died eight years ago, and Tim was going to ask John if he could marry his little sister.  
  
"Tim," John hesitated. "Stop, man. There's been an accident. I'm at St. Francis and I need you to come up here." Tim couldn't find his voice.  
  
"I'll be right there."  
  
Tim reached St. Francis in less than ten minutes. John was waiting as he came running through the emergency room doors.  
  
"Where is she?" Tim demanded to know.  
  
"She's in with the doctors. They're stitching her up, running some tests." John's face expressed concern, but his voice was relatively calm.  
  
"What the hell happened?" Tim grew more impatient the longer he stood in the hall with John.  
  
"Jen and her partner pulled this guy over for a broken tail light. When Jen got up to the window, the guy pulled a gun on her and shot." John's words made Tim felt faint. He sat down in the closet chair.  
  
"He didn't hit her. Missed by a mile, according to her." Hagen chuckled lightly. "The guy took off; Jen jumped back in the patrol car and took off after him. There was a high-speed chase. I was in the vicinity, so I got involved too. Some other idiot was coming through an intersection, saw the suspect's car flying through the light, stopped, and then took off. Broadsided Jen's car - on her side. I saw the whole thing."  
  
Tim couldn't speak. He sat there, taking in the situation. Jennifer was hurt. She wouldn't be in the damn emergency room if she weren't hurt, right? Oh God, he thought, the baby. He'd have to find the doctor.  
  
"John, what about." His voice trailed off. John didn't know about the baby. No one knew about the baby, other than Delko, and that was just because Tim had to tell someone.  
  
John took a deep breath and stared at the floor. "No, man, she lost the baby. I'm really sorry."  
  
Tim felt a wave a nausea wash over him. John placed a hand on Speed's shoulder. "I'm going to go tell the nurse that you're here, okay?" Tim simply nodded a reply.  
  
Thirty minutes later, a nurse came out and told Tim he could see Jennifer. That walk into the room was the longest he'd ever taken. He paused outside the door and took a deep breath, exhaling it very slowly.  
  
"Hey beautiful" he said as he opened the door, trying to put his best face forward.  
  
She immediately started crying and turned her head away from him.  
  
"Hey, what are the tears for? The doctor says you are going to be fine. John says that your car looks a whole lot worse than you do." It was a sad attempt at a joke and he knew it. He just didn't know what to say to her.  
  
"Tim, I." she said through the sobs.  
  
"I know, baby, I know. It's gonna be okay, I swear." He sat down beside her on the bed and took her hand. She leaned into him and continued to sob.  
  
Tim took her home two days later. He'd hidden the ring in his sock drawer because he didn't figure Jennifer would be doing the laundry any time soon. She slept, a lot. She cried, a lot. The doctor told him it was normal for someone who had lost a baby. That it had to do with her hormones, or something like that. He'd only been half-listening, lost in his own sorrow and grief. He just wanted to get her home. Jennifer refused to talk about the baby or her feelings. She'd shut herself up inside. He'd touch her and she'd pull away.  
  
She stayed that way for almost six weeks. When she finally went back to work, things slowly began returning to normal. One night at dinner, out of the blue, Jennifer said, "We need to name the baby." Tim dropped his fork. "Name the baby?" he said. "She needs a name, Tim. We can't keep calling her 'the baby' forever." Jennifer was staring at her plate, moving her mashed potatoes around with her fork. Tim debated seriously about cracking a joke right now. Hell go for it, you've got nothing to lose, he thought. "What makes you so sure it was a girl? My good Irish blood produces boys." He grinned at her, and was thrilled when she gave him a half-smile back and rolled her eyes. "A mother knows these things, Tim. She was a girl."  
  
They named her Emily. Emily Grace Speedle. Jennifer said now that the baby had a name, Emily could rest in peace, and so could she. Jennifer slept that night better than she had in months. She woke up refreshed, and happy. They'd made love for the first time that morning since the accident. Tim knew that it was time. He was ready to ask Jennifer to marry him. 


	4. Chapter 4

He had lunch with John that day and asked him for his sister's hand in marriage. John was so thrilled; he'd bought the entire restaurant a round of drinks. Tim had taken his suit out of the closet this morning after Jennifer had gone to work, along with everything he needed to get ready. He'd shower and change at Delko's. He'd called Jennifer and told her he was picking her up for a nice dinner and asked her to wear the red dress she'd bought several months before. She asked what time he'd be home. He reminded her "I'll pick you up at seven, so be ready to go." He was pumped.  
  
At two minutes till seven, Tim Speedle stood outside his own front door, breathing deeply and exhaling slowly, trying desperately to slow down his racing heart. He looked at his watch, 6:59 - close enough. He knocked. "Coming!" he heard Jennifer shout from the other side of the door. He laughed. He imagined her hopping around on one foot, trying to buckle the strap on the black heels he knew she was wearing. She flung the door open. "TIM!" she exclaimed, "Why are you knocking? What has gotten into you?"  
  
He smiled. She looked gorgeous. Her hair was pulled up and a few loose curls fell softly around her face. She was wearing an antique onyx necklace and earring set her grandmother had given her. "These are for you." He handed her a bouquet of twelve fire and ice roses - her favorite. He kissed her lightly on the lips. "Ready?" he asked. "Mmm-hmm" she softly replied, her eyes still closed from the kiss. "Let me get my wrap." Tim locked the front door as she exited and took her hand. "You look amazing," he told her. "Not so bad yourself, there," she teased.  
  
The chauffer greeted them as they stepped on the curb. "Miss Hagen, Mr. Speedle, are we ready?" he asked politely, opening the door for Jennifer, who was staring, open-mouthed at Tim. "What?" he asked, a grin tugging at his mouth, "Your pumpkin awaits, Cinderella." Jennifer shot him a 'you've- totally-lost-your-mind' look as she stepped into the limo.  
  
He held her hand the entire ride to the restaurant, and every couple of minutes, leaned in for another soft kiss. He'd already been by the restaurant. The maitre'd was in charge of the ring. He would carefully place it in the tiramisu Tim had already ordered. Everything was set.  
  
They talked all through the candlelight dinner. Tim told her about his latest case. Jennifer told him about studying for the detective exam. The conversation reminded him of when they first began dating and the hours they'd spend talking. Tonight, they drank red wine. They laughed. They smiled. They held hands. Finally, mercifully, they were Tim and Jennifer again.  
  
The waiter brought dessert. He laid the tiramisu in front of Jennifer, but she was busy holding Tim's hand and smiling lovingly at him. "Jen?" he lightly cleared his throat and motioned towards the plate. "Dessert?"  
  
She laughed and picked up her dessert fork, finally focusing her attention on the tiramisu. Her smile faded almost immediately. Jennifer stared at the plate and then at Tim. He'd never seen such incredible hurt in her eyes before. She said nothing to him as she grabbed her wrap and her purse and bolted for the door.  
  
Tim took off after her. He caught her outside, trying to hail a cab. He grabbed for her wrist, but she yanked it away. "Jennifer, please come back into the restaurant." She yanked her hand away from his and shouted for a taxi. One pulled up to the curb and Jennifer got in. The taxi sped away, leaving Tim standing on the curb in shock. He ran back in the restaurant, threw his credit card at the waiter, and told him he'd pick it up tomorrow. He jumped in the limo and yelled to the driver "Please take me home, fast."  
  
Twenty minutes later, Tim arrived on his doorstep. The door had been flung open. He walked inside and shut the door, throwing his suit jacket on the couch. Jennifer was flying around the bedroom, a suitcase open on the bed. She was throwing clothes into the bag, wiping tears with the back of her hand. When she saw him in the doorway she stopped.  
  
"I'm leaving."  
  
"I can see that. Want to tell me why?"  
  
"You know why, Tim."  
  
"No, honestly, I don't."  
  
"I just...I don't.How could.what were you."  
  
"Jennifer, I love you. I want to marry you."  
  
"You don't love me, Tim. You feel sorry for me. Do you think I need you to marry me now?"  
  
"You're already my wife in my heart, Jennifer, I just want to make it legal."  
  
"I lost the baby, Tim. There's no reason to get married now."  
  
"There's every reason. Not the least of which is that I love you."  
  
"If you loved me, Tim, then you'd know that I can't possibly.." Her voice trailed off. "You know what, forget it. I'm out of here."  
  
"Where are you going?" Please say to Calleigh's, he thought. If she goes there, Calleigh will talk some sense in to her or at least figure out what's wrong with her.  
  
"John's." Jennifer pushed the suitcase shut. She walked into the bathroom and began throwing things into a smaller bag.  
  
Great, he thought, John's. Tim knew that John genuinely liked him and was thrilled when Tim asked for Jennifer's hand. But, he's her brother, and he's extremely protective. John would go into big brother mode the minute Jennifer arrived and not let Speed anywhere near her.  
  
"I don't want you to leave, Jennifer. We can work this out." Tim Speedle ran a hand through his ebony hair and loosened his tie. He had never pleaded with anyone before in his life and he couldn't believe he was pleading with his girlfriend now.  
  
"You know what, Tim, work this out - I don't need your pity or your." Jennifer was so angry she couldn't even finish her sentence.  
  
"How many people know about this?" she demanded.  
  
"Just Calleigh and John." He replied.  
  
"Well, I hope you can get your money back for the ring." With that, Jennifer picked up her bags and walked to the front door. She opened it, turned to Tim and said "Goodbye." 


	5. Chapter 5

She was gone. In one instance, Tim's entire life changed. He changed.  
  
He tried to see her at first. He'd wait by her patrol car in the morning or late in the afternoon. Sometimes, she'd get to the door, see him, turn around and go back upstairs. Other times he was sure someone had tipped her off he was there. Either way, she wouldn't leave the building until he'd given up and gone back inside. He'd go by John's apartment, hoping to catch just her in the parking lot.  
  
He stopped shaving. He lost weight. He grew more short-tempered and sarcastic with each passing day and just generally angry at the world. He began spending very long hours at the lab - anything to keep him from going home. Horatio quietly sympathized with him, keeping him off any of John Hagen's cases. Eric tried to keep Speed's mind occupied with other things, and Calleigh tried desperately not to get in his way.  
  
Then he began avoiding her. He would catch a glimpse of her and walk the other way. He parked his bike on a different lot. He convinced himself that she didn't love him enough - at least not enough to fight for what they had. But in reality, he knew if he saw her, if he spoke to her, even for a second, he'd never be able to move on with his life. He'd cleaned Jennifer Hagen out of the apartment, but he couldn't clean her out of his heart.  
  
Losing his best friend was the only thing that even remotely came close to losing her. Tim had packed up and moved from Syracuse after that. He ended up in Miami, living with his friend's uncle, who happened to work at the crime lab. He'd started a whole new life.  
  
I could do it again, he thought. Pack up and leave, get a fresh start somewhere. But just when he'd made up his mind to leave, he'd been shot in the chest during dispo-day. His Kevlar vest caught the bullet, but the officer driving the van hadn't been so lucky. When he'd gotten home that evening, he checked the caller ID. One of the screens read, Hagen, J - her cell phone number. He checked the answering machine. Her message was short and simple: "I'm really glad you're okay."  
  
"Tim!" the voice startled him and brought him back to reality. He turned and faced the door. It was Delko.  
  
"Hey, man, you okay? I've been calling your name for, like, two minutes and you keep ignoring me." Eric looked very concerned about his best friend.  
  
"Fine. We got anything critical going on right now?"  
  
"No, why?" Eric eyes Tim suspiciously.  
  
"Cause I'm gonna get out of here for a while. You can page me if anything comes up." Tim took his lab coat off and hung it near the door.  
  
Before Delko could say another word, Tim left the lab, grabbed his helmet out of his locker, and exited the building. He walked to his bike and got on, not exactly sure where he was going, but knowing he needed to ride.  
  
The bike seemed to steer itself. Thirty minutes later, he arrived at his destination, not totally conscious of how he'd gotten there. He didn't notice the red roadster parked across from him.  
  
In the six weeks after they'd lost Emily, Tim and Jennifer had contacted the cemetery where Jennifer's father was buried about planting a tree in their daughter's honor. Jennifer thought it would help them heal. The owners agreed and the couple planted the tree right across from Mr. Hagen's headstone, near a bench and facing the pond. They never told anyone about the tree.  
  
As he neared the tree, he noticed someone sitting on the bench, gazing out at the pond. It was Jennifer. Now, he had a decision to make. He could turn and walk away, leaving her here, or he could face her, and maybe put all these feelings to rest, finally.  
  
"Hey." He stepped up behind her, but she didn't turn around to face him. He could tell she'd been crying.  
  
"Hey." She wiped her face, and continued to stare at the pond, but didn't sound surprised to hear his voice.  
  
"Can I sit down?"  
  
"Sure." She still would not look at him. Tim sat down on the bench beside her. They sat quietly for several moments before she finally broke the silence.  
  
"Emily would be a year old this month." Her voice broke as she said it and tears flowed freely down her cheeks. Her eyes were red and swollen. She'd been here a while.  
  
"Yeah." It was the only reply he could think of. "Jen, how'd we let it get like this?"  
  
"I don't know, Tim, I honestly don't know."  
  
"When you left, I thought you'd take a few days, cool off, and then you'd be home. I thought we'd work it out. But you never came home, and we never worked it out." Tim took a ragged breath and looked at the woman he'd loved for six years.  
  
"I never wanted to be pregnant. I definitely never counted on getting so attached to her. When she was gone, I had this huge nothingness in my soul. I couldn't get whole again. We named her, I thought that would help. We planted this tree, I thought that would help - but nothing helped, Tim, nothing. I was so depressed. I'd let her down, I'd let you down. And then, you go and." she let her voice trail off and took a deep breath.  
  
"Ask you to marry me." He finished the sentence for her.  
  
"Actually, I don't think I let you get that far." She finally turned and looked at him with a half-smile.  
  
"I never once pitied you. I loved you more than anything in the world. I just thought I was doing the right thing, for both of us."  
  
"I know that now. But then, all I could feel was pity. I thought you pitied me, my family pitied me, my co-workers pitied me. I was so sick and tired of people feeling sorry for me. When I looked at that ring, Tim, it occurred to me that I never once thought about how losing Emily made you feel. And I realized how horrible that was." She paused and wiped her eyes again. "You don't deserve to be with someone who didn't consider your feelings. In a split second, I made up my mind. I knew I was hurting you, but I thought it'd be better to do it then than to make you suffer for a lifetime." She reached over and took his hand.  
  
"Jen." He started, but she cut him off.  
  
She started to cry again. "In my dreams, I did things differently. I told you how beautiful the ring was and how much I love you. I told you that I would love to marry you. That's what I wanted to do, but I was too ashamed."  
  
"I miss you." He squeezed her hand and gazed into the beautiful jade green eyes he still saw in his dreams.  
  
"I miss you too." He wiped away the tear streaming down her cheek. She smiled.  
  
"Can we fix it?" He asked hopefully, turning his gaze to the pond.  
  
She leaned into him and sighed. "You hungry?"  
  
"Starving." He put his arm around her and hugged her gently.  
  
"I hear Pino's has pretty good food." She tilted her head up to him and flashed the bright smile he'd fallen in love with.  
  
"Back to where it all started, huh?" He smiled back.  
  
"Seems like a good place to start."  
  
As he held her tight, he thought maybe this day isn't turning out to be so bad after all. 


End file.
